Meet Niko {PupDate}

So as many of you know we lost our very sweet Eli last September. Its taken me until very recently to even talk about what happened. I can’t quite describe the grief I felt with loosing Eli.

Last September he had gotten sick, and after Web Md’ing him… I was convinced it was an obstruction. I had brought him to the vet who didn’t think that was the case. After probing him numerous times, he said no… he had just gotten into something. Well… a week went by and he didn’t get any better. The following Friday was the worst day of my life…. he was in septic shock when we woke up, we rushed him to the vet and were going to surgery but we were too late. He instead died a tragic death.

I completely blame the vet… but we’ve decided not to push legally on them. Sadly I learned a valuable lesson now that if you feel that something is wrong… Even if you are not “professional”, to trust your gut!

I haven’t cried so hard about anything… but loosing Eli… was something I can’t even describe in words. That kind of pain, and loss that we went through – are still going through….

Fast forward a few months later – Eli’s mama became pregnant again with a new litter (and a new dad)… and had his beautiful half brother Niko! (knee-coh). The day we picked him out {last Sunday} I fell absolutely in LOVE with him! I absolutely cannot wait to bring him home next weekend!

Socializing will be a bit more interesting since we still have 90 inches of snow on the ground, but I plan to bring him to the pet store as soon as he is all up to date on his shots, and i’ve heard rumors that the Home Depot will let you bring a pup in the cart with you…. so I plan to roam the aisles with Niko in the cart. Stay tuned for pictures of that!!!

As soon as its warm enough, you can bet your bottom dollar we will be down at Lake Calhoun, and Lake Harriet, and Market Fest in WBL…. and any parade near us we can find! 🙂 I am so looking forward to Niko’s arrival, and while he will never ever replace Eli, he has already won a special place in our hearts!

Well, we’ve determined one thing.

Sadie HATES the kennel.

She got “banished” to the kennel a few weeks ago because she was lazy and decided to poo and potty in the house twice overnight. We recently purchased a metal wire kennel in anticipation for the new puppies arrival and thought Sadie would be perfectly safe in there for the day. I gave her a treat, kept the light on, and told her she was a good girl and went off to work.

Upon my return home, my husband told me that the dog was and I quote, “Dead to him”. I said, “Why?” so Jason told me to look in the room, and boy did I find a surprise.

Not only did she eat through the plastic flooring of the puppies brand new kennel, but she chewed the carpet down to the plywood in our bedroom! (guess we need new carpeting).

But she also managed somehow to pull Jason’s $100 Silver jeans into the kennel and chew them out of spite, or hatred for the fact that she was in the kennel.

The craziest part is that she is completely nondestructive when she’s not locked up. So for now, she gets free reign of the house.

In a week or two I’m going to the store to get these magnetic locks for the bathroom cupboards to put our new puppy in the bathroom while we’re off at work. We still have a few things to get ready before he comes home, but we still have 7 weeks. 🙂

I understand if you don’t want to read this post. It’s hard to read… and its hard to write.

Thinks went ok. I guess according to plan. Friday night we went to Cub and got two huge steaks to give to Tyler as a sort of “last meal”. He absolutely loved it, and was the most he’s eaten in quite a while. We’re actually hopping Sadie starts to lose some weight now, because she is only supposed to have 1 cup total per day, and Tyler was getting 2.5 cups, and Sadie was eating a whole lot of his since he wasn’t eating.

Anyways – Saturday morning I woke up “early” probably a quarter to 8 or so – just knowing what lay ahead of us for the day. We spent some time loving on Tyler and getting some last pictures/videos of him before we took off for the vet.

We couldn’t have asked for a better Vet to go to. We didn’t even have to wait at all in the waiting room, and we arrived at about 10am for our 10:15 appointment, so that was super nice. I think it would have been much more difficult if we would have had to wait in public. “Oh what are you guys here for? I hope your dog feels better soon!”….  I wore my sunglasses much of the first half of the appointment… so nobody could see the hurt in my eyes, including Tyler. I felt safe behind them.

They had a nice blanket laying down on the floor, and the CVT took some photos of K, Jason, Tyler and I. We then took off his collar and gave his neck a good last scratch. Then the CVT gave him a sedative, which did not put him to the unconscious state that he was supposed to be in. We “joked” that Tyler didn’t want to leave us… so they gave him another whole dose of sedative, and out he went snoring loudly, and not responding to any pain at all.

The very nice Vet came in and went through some stuff, of course the standard, “I’m sorry for your loss”… and also commended our bravery for ending Tyler’s pain that morning.  She checked Tyler out and said that he will have absolutely no part in the final injection, and that he’s already at peace. And then with Jason and I holding Tyler’s paws and petting his head she started looking for a good vein. They did a 10x anesthesia dose, and were able to get a vein after shaving 2 or 3 of his paws. They [books/online] say it takes 30 seconds to a minute, but he was gone in about 5 seconds flat.

The Vet listened to his heart  as he had some twitching, and his brain telling him to start breathing very hard, but all the while in a very calm and soothing voice Dr. Gail just kept telling us that it was the last bits of positive energy leaving his body. The whole ordeal was incredibly sad and probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done before.  Dr. Gail all the while listening with her stethoscope said she couldn’t hear any heart beat, that he was gone… and that it was just normal bodily functions, and the last bits of energy…  That part was really helpful.

They took a clay paw print and then helped to load him into my car and wrapped him in a blanket. It took putting him in the wheelbarrow to bring him to the back….which seemed sad but we wheeled it back and laid him to rest. I helped toss some dirt on him, and Jason built a cross to put at the head. K wrote the name “Tyler” on the cross, and Jason soldered it in, and we slung his collar on the top of the cross.

There is definitely a presence missing. I feel the lack of him in the house. Even though we still have 4 pets, he was such a large presence (literally) that it just seems so empty.

As time goes on – the pain will ease up. I try not to think too deeply about it though. Eli is already eating out of Tyler’s dog dish which made me cry at first, but Eli is trying his darndest to fill his older brothers shoes…

Tyler’s time is near. Three days. Maybe two. Probably three. (Saturday)…. Playing God – or what I feel like what I’m doing doesn’t feel right, yet it feels so right. 

I can see that Life is still deep in this big boys eyes… begging to be let free… 

Tyler

I’m begging, and pleading to God to show me, tell me that we’re doing the right thing, and that we’re not killing our best friend.

He spends all but moments mostly laying around – not doing anything but keeping as still as possible to let the pain go free.

He gets up to go outside – to be respectful of the house, but that 30 foot walk is like a marathon despite the mass amount of pain meds we’re giving him.

I’m mad and bitter and angry towards you Cancer. 

Growing up I’ve never had a dog, and have actually been scared of [most] them most of my life. Until we got you Tyler. 

And of all the dogs we could get we get a supposed QUOTE “aggressive” breed dog, which you certainly are not.

I have met a kind of love that is second only to the love my child brings me. 

Tyler – I do not want to let you go. But is this [keeping you here] for my benefit or yours? Whats the right call?

Please don’t think I don’t love you. I love you so so so much.

I’m going to miss waking up next to you in my bed… thinking that you are Jason… with my arm and leg draped over you…. You sneaky Tyler – even laying on Jason’s pillow trying to blend in!

I’m going to miss you waking me up in the middle of the night and barking for no fucking reason at all.

I will miss the time you ate my cell phone…. and the fact I only have 4 out of my 35 pairs of shoes left…..

I’m going to miss finding your hair in my lunch box at work, and hair all over my clothes…. It annoys me now, but i’m going to miss it.

I’m going to miss your amazing tolerance and love for chocolate! (yes he’s had over a whole pound of chocolate and not even gotten sick)

But most of all I’m going to miss how safe you’ve made me feel, for laying next to K’s crib after she was born…

and for the unconditional love you’ve given me and the love for dogs I now have.

I love you Tyler… Soon you will run free…..