I understand if you don’t want to read this post. It’s hard to read… and its hard to write.

Thinks went ok. I guess according to plan. Friday night we went to Cub and got two huge steaks to give to Tyler as a sort of “last meal”. He absolutely loved it, and was the most he’s eaten in quite a while. We’re actually hopping Sadie starts to lose some weight now, because she is only supposed to have 1 cup total per day, and Tyler was getting 2.5 cups, and Sadie was eating a whole lot of his since he wasn’t eating.

Anyways – Saturday morning I woke up “early” probably a quarter to 8 or so – just knowing what lay ahead of us for the day. We spent some time loving on Tyler and getting some last pictures/videos of him before we took off for the vet.

We couldn’t have asked for a better Vet to go to. We didn’t even have to wait at all in the waiting room, and we arrived at about 10am for our 10:15 appointment, so that was super nice. I think it would have been much more difficult if we would have had to wait in public. “Oh what are you guys here for? I hope your dog feels better soon!”….  I wore my sunglasses much of the first half of the appointment… so nobody could see the hurt in my eyes, including Tyler. I felt safe behind them.

They had a nice blanket laying down on the floor, and the CVT took some photos of K, Jason, Tyler and I. We then took off his collar and gave his neck a good last scratch. Then the CVT gave him a sedative, which did not put him to the unconscious state that he was supposed to be in. We “joked” that Tyler didn’t want to leave us… so they gave him another whole dose of sedative, and out he went snoring loudly, and not responding to any pain at all.

The very nice Vet came in and went through some stuff, of course the standard, “I’m sorry for your loss”… and also commended our bravery for ending Tyler’s pain that morning.  She checked Tyler out and said that he will have absolutely no part in the final injection, and that he’s already at peace. And then with Jason and I holding Tyler’s paws and petting his head she started looking for a good vein. They did a 10x anesthesia dose, and were able to get a vein after shaving 2 or 3 of his paws. They [books/online] say it takes 30 seconds to a minute, but he was gone in about 5 seconds flat.

The Vet listened to his heart  as he had some twitching, and his brain telling him to start breathing very hard, but all the while in a very calm and soothing voice Dr. Gail just kept telling us that it was the last bits of positive energy leaving his body. The whole ordeal was incredibly sad and probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done before.  Dr. Gail all the while listening with her stethoscope said she couldn’t hear any heart beat, that he was gone… and that it was just normal bodily functions, and the last bits of energy…  That part was really helpful.

They took a clay paw print and then helped to load him into my car and wrapped him in a blanket. It took putting him in the wheelbarrow to bring him to the back….which seemed sad but we wheeled it back and laid him to rest. I helped toss some dirt on him, and Jason built a cross to put at the head. K wrote the name “Tyler” on the cross, and Jason soldered it in, and we slung his collar on the top of the cross.

There is definitely a presence missing. I feel the lack of him in the house. Even though we still have 4 pets, he was such a large presence (literally) that it just seems so empty.

As time goes on – the pain will ease up. I try not to think too deeply about it though. Eli is already eating out of Tyler’s dog dish which made me cry at first, but Eli is trying his darndest to fill his older brothers shoes…