Tyler’s time is near. Three days. Maybe two. Probably three. (Saturday)…. Playing God – or what I feel like what I’m doing doesn’t feel right, yet it feels so right.
I can see that Life is still deep in this big boys eyes… begging to be let free…
I’m begging, and pleading to God to show me, tell me that we’re doing the right thing, and that we’re not killing our best friend.
He spends all but moments mostly laying around – not doing anything but keeping as still as possible to let the pain go free.
He gets up to go outside – to be respectful of the house, but that 30 foot walk is like a marathon despite the mass amount of pain meds we’re giving him.
I’m mad and bitter and angry towards you Cancer.
Growing up I’ve never had a dog, and have actually been scared of [most] them most of my life. Until we got you Tyler.
And of all the dogs we could get we get a supposed QUOTE “aggressive” breed dog, which you certainly are not.
I have met a kind of love that is second only to the love my child brings me.
Tyler – I do not want to let you go. But is this [keeping you here] for my benefit or yours? Whats the right call?
Please don’t think I don’t love you. I love you so so so much.
I’m going to miss waking up next to you in my bed… thinking that you are Jason… with my arm and leg draped over you…. You sneaky Tyler – even laying on Jason’s pillow trying to blend in!
I’m going to miss you waking me up in the middle of the night and barking for no fucking reason at all.
I will miss the time you ate my cell phone…. and the fact I only have 4 out of my 35 pairs of shoes left…..
I’m going to miss finding your hair in my lunch box at work, and hair all over my clothes…. It annoys me now, but i’m going to miss it.
I’m going to miss your amazing tolerance and love for chocolate! (yes he’s had over a whole pound of chocolate and not even gotten sick)
But most of all I’m going to miss how safe you’ve made me feel, for laying next to K’s crib after she was born…
and for the unconditional love you’ve given me and the love for dogs I now have.
I love you Tyler… Soon you will run free…..