Stay Alive

It was about a year ago.

A series of sudden and frantic phone calls.

Call me back. We need to talk now. Something has happened.

Pulling into the ER. Parking lot – calmly – giving everything up to God.

Walking into the ER – half concussed… A Chaplain. Why is there a chaplain here? Oh God. This is bad.

Dad laying on a gurney in the ER. Heart restarted – resting – not conscious yet.  Ever.

Do whatever just to stay alive.

Begging God to intervene. Make the miracle miraculous.

Sitting bedside all day – all night. Dawn is coming…. open your eyes.

Open your eyes dad. Open them. Open them.

A series of tests to confirm lack of consciousness. Nothing. Not even control of his own heartbeat. Sure. You can say something to him. But he probably can’t hear you either.

Devastating.

Right ear on chest. Tick tock… Tick Tock… Keeping the life time clock.

Tears on cheeks. The last heart beat – heard

silence

I play back the of the rhythm of these days . The stickiness of it all. We’re stuck tight.

They choke to death. Gone. Forever.

And then the thoughts begin.

Does it make you think? It makes me think. It makes me think hard.

Can this happen to me?’

Can I die so easily?

Am I ready if it is my time?

There is a time for everything.

A time for everything under the sun.

But am I ready?

What if I were to die today? Tomorrow? Next week – Next year?

Is the trajectory that I am on today on par with who I want to be remembered by?

Epiphany in the BWCA.

How fitting – except that it isn’t what I thought it would be.

I thought [and prayed] it would be some random vision of my dad – or God. But it was this overwhelming sense to free up my life. Stop saying yes to every single obligation under the sun.

Things are so much easier in the BWCA. Physically much harder. Emotionally easier.

Focus on what is before you. Make time for real relationships.

Life at times has become shallow. In the world of technology – real meaning and conversations die.

Be the person that God invited me to be.

Connect. Stay Alive.

Be a person full of love for others. A person who has legitimate time for rest. A time for reflection on what this life is… and who God is.

Dawn is coming. Open your eyes.

Was it a call for him to open his eyes, or for me to open mine?

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