Category Archives: Thoughts & Feelings

Gymnastics

So today after work Kirra and I went up to the gymnastics center near our house and signed her up for gymnastics to start right after labor day. They had such cute equipment including little balance beams, and little uneven bars that are Kirra size. She wanted to start tonight, and didn’t understand that class wasn’t going on…so she threw a fit….

I told Kirra we’d go pick out a leotard for her class…. and she was very happy about that…. until we tried one on, and then it was time to take it off…no way…wasn’t going to happen… she tore off the tags like, haha mommy now i can’t take it off…so I had to bribe her with cookies at Target just to take it off of her…. She finally succumbed to my peer pressure.
Met up with a high school friend at Noodles (nummy) and caught up. We need to hang out more often, especially since she was one of my best friends in high school! Plus the random part is that we only live like a mile away from each other.
Well off to put crabby girl to bed!

Over the rainbow…..

So… for the past two years I’ve had this re-occouring dream about tornadoes… I always am minding my own business, and then all the sudden there is this pop up storm and a funnel cloud drops from the sky… its usually a quarter mile away from me, and I always seem to be in the clear but can visualize it perfectly… and then all the sudden the twister turns and its heading right for me…

So I always try to out-run it, or get to saftey, because I’m never near a place of total safety… and there is no-where to hide… but i always wake up before the tornado catches up to me… Its been all different scenes too… One time I was in a high rise apartment, another time I was biking down Hwy 96 in White Bear Lake, and tried to hide in a LeAnn Chins that was totally made of glass… etc etc… I have this dream fairly often as well… maybe once every few months…
So I was telling my co-workers this and my one co-worker said… that it sounds like… maybe in my actual life… somewhere… there is chaos that always seems to be far away that I’m in control… but I get to lackadaisical and then threatens to take over my life, the chaos gets very close… but never quite does… and it got me thinking! How many times have I felt like Chaos was going to take over my life? Many times actually, and I’m not just saying that like some people would… I mean… i’ve really had some close calls with chaos taking over…but somehow by the grace of God it never does and the rainbow always shows up, … and I thank Him for it every day…

Lindsey Ingalls Wilder…..

Happy Saturday everyone! Today was kind of a Laura Ingalls Wilder kind of day. As you may or may not recall, Pam & Phil (Kirra’s godparents and my in-laws long time frined) were raising chickens for us. So today was the Minnesota Chicken Masacre… well, no it really wasn’t that bad…

Kirra and I slept in until 10am! Ooftah, and then we had some quick breakfast and were off to Pam and Phils. On the way, we stopped by Festival to pick up some Texas Caviar, and I went to the self check-out because i was kind of in a hurry, so I grabbed my stuff and got out of there… well I was half way down the road when it dawned on me, I never paid for my food!!! So I had to whip a u-ie, and go back. They thought that was nice I came back, and knew that I either forgot to pay, and would come back, or i’d never go back there again!
Got back on the road again (paid in full this time) and got over to Pam and Phil’s. Sue was already there, and they had already done up 5 chickens. So immediately I set my stuff down,and it was CHICKEN TIME.
Pam and Phil went into the chicken coup and got a few chickens…
got them up on the log, and chopped off their heads
(Kirra kept saying in an english accent “Off with their heads”)
Dunked them in the water…. this helps loosen their feathers
to make it a lot easier to pull them off.
Plucked some feathers
My turn to hold on to some chickens!
After you lop off their heads, they really flap their wings a lot, and we just hold onto their feet, and don’t let them go… if their wings are in front of your legs that can kind of hurt and then you also get blood all over your shins like I did. I should have taken a picture of that, but o’well. Some people let them go, and they jump around without heads on, but then they get injured and bruised, and its not good for the meat. This part ended up being my favorite part… holding on to them after their heads got chopped off, because they put up a fight, and its just fun holding on! I definitely earned my red-neck points today!
Our reward.. lots of chickens!!!
We took home 5… so approximately 25 pounds of chicken!
All in all, I really actually enjoyed it. I was really nervous, especially
about the part where they still move after they’re dead, but as I already said
that was my favorite part… and the plucking wasn’t so bad either.
Kirra was AMAZING today. Not only did she get in on the action (watched)
but she wore undies all day and only had one accident! She took a pretty
long nap for us on the couch too, so that was nice!
I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

This weeks re-cap

I can’t even believe that this week is nearly over with! I feel like it’s just Monday or Tuesday!!!

Monday:
R-E-L-A-X. It was hotter than Haiti today, so I called Alisa after work, and Kirra and I went to the beach with them. The beach is actually super close to our house. I can’t believe we never went before… Kirra had absolutely no fear when we got there. She ran right into the water, and swam around like Dara Torres! She even went “into the deep” which is only 2 feet deep… but for her its ‘deep’. I got in too, and we had a wonderful mother-daughter moment! AKA, Kirra pushing me under water and laughing… Kirra didn’t want to go but the cops kicked everyone out at 8pm… so I told her we’d go another day.
Tuesday:
And BINGO was his name-o…. we listened to the Bingo song about 19 times today! On the way to Tally’s, on our way home to let Tyler out after work… on our way to Julies house, and on the way home! Julie (my co-worker) watched Kirra tonight while I was at a FT job meeting. She took Kirra to the park and Kirra even went down a big slide without riding with someone. She also did really really good on the potty at Julie’s house. Came home and crashed right away!
Wednesday:
Cleaning! That was the name of the game today. I whipped my house into shape! There is still more to tackle but I cleaned up quite a bit, and re-arranged the living room. Jason loves when I re-arrange everything! It was super awesome. Our house has been cluttered long enough. I just started pitching things left and right. My only thing left to really tackle is the piano… because its been sort of a catch all….Kirra did super good potty-training this evening. She is really really getting the hang of it. I’m so proud of her!
Thursday:
Today Kirra and I went over to our friend Jodi & Lauren’s for a playdate with the rest of the “MUMS” group from New Parent Connection. It was so fun to catch up with friends, and see the little ones playing. I can’t even believe that they are all nearly 3 years old! Where did the time go? On the way home guess what we listened to? BINGO! Kirra went to the whole playdate in regular underwear and didn’t even have one accident all night. GO KIRRA!!!!!
The Weekend Ahead:
Saturday: Off to Pam & Phil’s. They’ve been raising chickens for us as you may have seen in a previous post, and Saturday is butcher day… I’m in charge of plucking feathers… my co-workers are calling me Laura Ingles Wilder….I will definitely have photos posted!

Weekend Re-Cap

Friday:

Worked until noon and then went off to Relay for Life. It was a nice day in the mid 70s and overcast, which actually was nice so it wasn’t so hot! Our team this year was Pam, Lynn, Theo,Amillie, and myself. Jason even stopped by for a few laps and to say hello.
Theo cut off 10 inches of hair for Locks of Love. She’s cut it off every year for the past 4 years. I’m so proud of her, and her generosity with her hair. During the silent auction I got (and bid) on a charcoal grill! Amillie and Lynn had to leave early – so for the overnight, it was me, Theo & Pam. We walked 10 miles! I was so proud of the three of us!!! We all crashed about 4am for a few hours of shut-eye.


Saturday:
Woke up at 6am on the White Bear Lake, High School football field and was wondering if I just slept until noon if anyone would notice…. we begrudgingly got out of our lawn chairs, and began the tear down… it didn’t take too long. I went over to my parents house (because they had kept Kirra over night since Jason was working late) and instead of waking up Kirra at 6:45, I just decided to nap there for a few hours…
I got my car washed and then went home for a few more hours of shut-eye. After I woke up at my house Kirra and I went and toured the new Blaine campus for Eagle Brook Church. I am soooooo exited for this campus to open. Its absolutely AMAZING!!! The kids area is super super neat too. I seriously can’t wait for it to open. After we toured the new campus Kirra and I came home (Jason was off doing Tattoos) and we had some dinner and then went to Lino Lakes for church. The message was great, but I remembered why I like the smaller campus. Really busy…. although singing in worship was super cool with over 1,000 people singing at once.
Came home and literally went right to bed.
Sunday:
Woke up super early… like 4:45am for a race my full time job is putting on. The Twins Territory 4K. It was super fun. I was nervous about it because I was so tired this weekend, but I was home by 9am. When I got home Jason and Kirra were just waking up having breakfast, and I decided instantly i was soooo tired, so I took a 2 hour nap, which felt like HOURS…
When Kirra woke up from her nap we put her in underwear since the cost of pull-ups is outrageous. I think except for nap time, and bed time, we’re going to have her in underwear. I do expect to do lots of laundry, although she’s getting really good at potty training.
After Kirra got up from her nap we took a trip to the park, which was fun, and then went to LeAnn Chins for supper and got frozen yogurt too! It was definitely a fun weekend!

Marketfest and other fun….

What a super fun Thursday Kirra and I had. Jason was working late,so I met up with Betsy and her aunt Sarah, and all the kids at Marketfest tonight. Its basically a super super mini state fair with lots of food vendors, jewelry, arts and crafts and more. Kirra and I had Carbonies pizza for dinner, and then later had mini donuts. We can’t forget those!! Ended up running into some people I knew so we of course stopped and said hello.I even got a purse, well because Lillian’s was open, and it was on sale! I can’t seem to ever pass up a cute purse on sale!!!

Then it was “time for go” as Kirra calls it. The minute I got us all packed in the SUV my mom called and wanted to know if I was at Marketfest. They were there too. Gosh darnit. If i hadn’t walked around for nearly 2 hours prior to her calling I definitely would have re-parked and got out, but I was pooped, and its not that big…
I wanted to check out this new beach that my friend told me about at Chain of Lakes regional park, so [since i have a park pass] we stopped in there to have a “look-see” on our way home. They had a huge park attached, so Kirra made a B-Line for that. I was about to let her go on it, but since its a beach park the slide was soaking wet…. so she wasn’t too happy that I wouldn’t let her play on the slide.
I pushed her in the swing for a while, and then we just chased each other all over the large grass field. We were definitely having a fun mother-daughter moment. It was again “time for go” because Kirra kept eye-balling the water tables they had and the water, and she was in a semi-nice outfit… so we packed up begrudgingly and came back home. 🙂
Tomorrow night is Relay for Life. I think I myself raised over $200 so I’m pretty pleased with that… I’m working until noon, and then coming home to meet Pam at my house, and get head out (again) to White Bear Lake to walk the track all night. I’ll post some pictures over the weekend!

Feeling sorry for myself….

Pause the blog radio on the lower right hand side… you will need to scroll down past the pictures….

I try so hard every day not to think about Gran, because the second I do, I just burst into tears. Its not like I lost an immediate family member… or did I? I was pretty close to my grandma, and adored her. Over the past two years especially after grandpa died I tried to call her on the phone at least every other week to chat, and keep her company. Although she didn’t let on to too many people she ached for company, and was very lonely at home alone. She was always making sure she wasn’t keeping me on the phone too long, but I knew that she didn’t want to let me go… so I made sure I talked (well mostly listened) to her for an hour or more each time. I know if I were in her shoes i’d like to talk to someone!
I miss her terribly, and i just want her back. I even have my church now sending me books on grieving because its so hard to let go. I’m trying to be honest about my feelings. If someone asks how I’m doing with it, I try to be honest, because I do want comfort… my mom and uncles are cleaning out their house, and they’re going to sell it. I have so many memories in that house and its simply not fair. I get that she/they’re in a better place, and I agree with it, but it doesn’t change how I feel now. I feel empty… like i’m missing part of me. I desperately want to talk to them – her again… hug them, and feel their soft wrinkly skin..
Here is kind of a song how I feel… again pause the music player on my blog or it will play over the top of it…

Clean-Up on Aisle 3

What a fun weekend we’ve had so far. I had Friday off since we put on the half marathon over the 4th of July, so I went golfing with my parents, and my brother-in-law Brian. We did a par 3 course of 9 holes, and I ended up with a 63. Pretty good hu? That’s only 36 over par!!! I’m so good that I get to go on the PGA tour this next year….I still had fun, and Brian gave me some pointers… so I will have to get out again sometime soon so that I can get better and practice what he taught.

Friday night we celebrated Brian’s 40th birthday, with a surprise party for him! It was tons of fun! Missy ordered these HUGE kabobs,which were out of this world!!! The kids got hot dogs, which Kirra didn’t want to eat… so I asked her what she DID want to eat, and she said deer….so I cut up the hot dog and told her it was deer, and she ate it all up! So she got some nummy cake from Grandma’s Bakery!
Today, Jason and I cleaned our garage out, and I’m happy to say that for the first time… since we’ve started dating…. we’ve parked one of our cars in a garage. I’m so happy!!! I was mostly just nervous to get any hail damage on my car from all of these recent storms we’ve been having, plus i really wanted to be able to park in the garage this winter so I don’t have to dust off my car. I’m also really excited about if/when it rains out, I won’t even care now, or have to delay my ‘fun’ because i don’t want to get wet!! Ah the little things in life.
After our garage cleaning expedition, we went to Bunker Beach water park. It was lots of fun. We went there with my whole family too! Kirra loved the smaller pool that was her size, and the lazy river…. and the wave pool…. that is… until I went out too deep with her and got knocked over by a wave. She still came up smiling, (even tho i nearly had a heart attack), but she had swallowed too much water, so we went back to the zero entry pool! (which she was devastated about when we had to leave). I got on every water slide, and went in every pool. It was definitely fun.
After Bunker Beach we had to run to Menards to get a garage door opener, because Yee Haw, I can park in the garage… well because I’m stupid, I just left Kirra in her swim suit, and put a cover up on her, with her cloth swim diaper… well she was walking on the shelving that is low to the ground, when all the sudden water started gushing between her legs…then Jason was like OMG, she’s peeing… so I tried to pick her up, but then she was peeing on me… so I set her back down, and i thought she was done, but no… more pee…. i looked in my purse for something to wipe it up, but i had nothing… it was so embarrassing… we just left as fast as we could…. (I know we’re horrible) Got to my car and immediately put a diaper on her!

Cupcake and Memories…..

Tonight after I laid Kirra down to sleep… I went out on the patio with my bottle of cupcake wine. I was sitting on the patio looking at a brightly light moon, and then saw the purple flowers…Gran’s favorite color, and then I just lost it. I called my mom,and we cried together. I told her I understood that it was her time and that she is perfectly at peace in heaven. I know this… but I want her back…. I want THEM back… both of my grandparents…. all of my grandparents… This is strangely difficult. Am I over reacting? This loss i feel is too real to be over-reacting… Was it because I was close to her? Because she was my last living grandparent? Or because she was a true kindred spirit…. no…. she was everything and more. I miss you so much Gran. I just want you back…. I just want you back!