I try so hard every day not to think about Gran, because the second I do, I just burst into tears. Its not like I lost an immediate family member… or did I? I was pretty close to my grandma, and adored her. Over the past two years especially after grandpa died I tried to call her on the phone at least every other week to chat, and keep her company. Although she didn’t let on to too many people she ached for company, and was very lonely at home alone. She was always making sure she wasn’t keeping me on the phone too long, but I knew that she didn’t want to let me go… so I made sure I talked (well mostly listened) to her for an hour or more each time. I know if I were in her shoes i’d like to talk to someone!

I miss her terribly, and i just want her back. I even have my church now sending me books on grieving because its so hard to let go. I’m trying to be honest about my feelings. If someone asks how I’m doing with it, I try to be honest, because I do want comfort… my mom and uncles are cleaning out their house, and they’re going to sell it. I have so many memories in that house and its simply not fair. I get that she/they’re in a better place, and I agree with it, but it doesn’t change how I feel now. I feel empty… like i’m missing part of me. I desperately want to talk to them – her again… hug them, and feel their soft wrinkly skin..

Here is kind of a song how I feel… again pause the music player on my blog or it will play over the top of it…