Running is like Grief

I’m still getting that “age old” question, “how are you”. Its a question people ask the grieving that is as old as the dawn of time. Mostly I now just tell people that I’m fine because I am fine. Some days I have downright amazing days, and other times its just so sad to think that new memories won’t be made with that part of my life.

Above all though this journey could be compared to running. Since 1999 I have been a runner. I began running over the winter that year to get prepared for boot-camp the following year, and started running three miles at a time a few times a week. I was hooked.

While I was in the Navy I became more serious about running, and even ran my first marathon in 2002 and countless half marathons after that. (In fact my very first official race was the marathon! Go big or go home right?)

After a particularly difficult 10 mile race last summer I decided I was going to hang up my laces for a while and took an 11 month hard break from running. I ran five miles on National Running day this year on June 4th which was nearly unbearable, and then began running more regularly just last week. Just two and three miles at a time, a few times each week.

I’m so out of shape. Running just two miles at a 10 minute pace is grueling but like life I just have to put one foot in front of another and continue. Like running I wake up, get dressed, go to work, and try to be a normal and happy person, and it mostly works.

I take each day, day-by-day- each hour by hour, and each moment by moment, just like I take each marathon by half marathon, half marathon by mile, and mile by step. My friend Hannah blogs over at Feet Move Forward and I think she’s really on to something. You just have to move forward.

Do I want to lay in bed all day and wallow in despair? Yes. But I have my husband counting on me, my daughter counting on me, my animals (all 9) counting on me, and my work counting on me. You just move. Move forward. It doesn’t matter how much that day, just move.

I’ve been daydreaming lately of running goals I have over the next year… – as this metaphor continues, and like my blog’s namesake says, “Feet May Fail” some of these daydreams might fail. My day might fail me, and the hour or minute might fail me, but I have to try something. Go out where feet may fail, and not be afraid to get out of the boat.

I think 2015 is going to be a spectacular come back year for me. I don’t want to give too much away, but stay tuned throughout my journey as I use running as a healing outlet for me to cope with this grief.

One block… one mile… one half marathon, and one marathon at a time!

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Hebrews 12:1 And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Minnesota – Week 13

Motivation

Its finally April, yet it does still look like late February up here in Minnesota, and its going to get worse before it gets better.

After I’ve realized I am NOT getting to the gym like I used to, I invested in a set of Kettlebells. I found a few videos I like online from Pinterest, and its been going alright. (Okay I’ll be honest.. I’ve used them three times.)

I’ve also just started “running” again which I’ll use that term loosely, because usually I am such a fair weather runner kind of girl. For the most part all of the conditions have to be just right, or this girl aint gettin’ on her running shoes! Sometimes I like to run in wild weather, but mostly I’m picky… and full of excuses. Really I’m an excuse factory.

After a long sabbatical from running completely I’m ready to start again. This time focusing on shorter distances, since I feel this is where my sweet spot really lies. My PR is a 23:00 5K and this year I want to beat it. (I said it, and now I’m scared. I want to take it back, that was 11 years ago….What if I fail?)  I have completely started over doing a couch to 5K program basically, because sadly that’s where I’m at. I think I could run for 3-4 miles straight, but it would be ugly, and my body would feel betrayed for days. So instead I’m taking it slow, and steady, and after I’ve been reconditioned I will really start training!

In addition to the 5Ks, I may possibly do a Sprint Triathlon or two since I absolutely love Tris… but nothing has been set in stone as of now,which is quite fine by me. In order to practice the swimming discipline that would involve going to the gym, and we’ve already covered that. I haven’t signed up for anything yet, and I like the lack of pressure that not being signed up for races brings.

In the past I would sign up for races and say to others that I sign up so, “I will run” and then feel overly pressured into training and agonize over missed runs, and eventually feel like a failure. So I’m not signing up for anything yet. I want to run because I like it, not because I have to for training.

When I need motivation, I usually turn to Pinterest to look at all of the inspirational quotes and pictures. Here are a few of my favorites:

So tell me… how do you stay motivated to lace up your running shoes and hit the pavement? Please drop a line below, and share a thought or two 🙂

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Here’s to lacing up!

A big descision!

After trying to jog it out, I feel way out of shape! Now I had just started training for my Half Marathon in February, and have only gotten up to around 4-6 miles. That is really sort of pushing it. Then we had all of that snow at the end of February, and then everything melted and made a muddy mess, so I really haven’t been running as much as I would like to for my training with my Half Marathon.

I’ve talked to friends, and relatives, and even a doctor friend, if she suggests running, and they all say, if you’re already running, there is no reason why you shouldn’t keep running, but trying to increase my millage in 4 weeks seems a little strenuous to me. SO I am going to gracefully bow out of both of my Half Marathons, and take up walking. It really comes down to what do I feel most comfortable with? So far, since Saturday, I have walked a total of 4 miles. 2 miles each day. I took Monday off, as well as tonight I am sure, since I have other plans but I just wanted to verbally, put it out there on paper, or the screen in my case, that I have chosen not to push anything!

During the next few months I will have a lot of things going on with the Marathon that I work for, and I want to be at the top of my game for that, so that I am not on bedrest during the last few months, when we’re the busiest. I would rather take it easy now, so that I have the energy to perform my daily tasks… Perhaps next year I will sign up for a half marathon again, or maybe even a full one, to get back in shape 🙂