Weekend Recap

Well this past weekend Jason, Kiri and I were supposed to be vacationing on the shores of Lake Michigan in Door County, but instead I got inundated with work, and Jason had to go out to ND.

While he was gone Eli decided to go off and get sick, and by sick I mean both ends baby! Now, normally I make Jason clean up ALL of the puke spills, because if I do it there will be two puke piles instead of one, but unfortunately this was not puke, this was much much worse. SO I put on my big girl panties and got some rubber gloves, a roll of paper towels, and chemicals. Lots of chemicals!
I took Eli to the  vet on Saturday where he received a shot that DID stop the vomiting, but did not do much for the never ending diarrhea. (side note: do you know that I never knew exactly how to spell diarrhea until this weekend?)
Eli’s appetite went down significantly as in not at all, and my nerves have been shot. The vet didn’t think he felt an obstruction and chalked it up to some kind of toxicity of something he ate. Basically, ride it out for a few days and call on Monday/Tuesday if he’s not doing better. Even now as i’m writing this Eli just dropped another shit bomb in the living room. All I have to say is thank JESUS for our laminate flooring! This would NOT be good on carpet. Yes, I will be calling the vet in the morning!
What else went on this weekend? Well we missed gymnastics due to Eli’s sickness, but I did manage to uuuber clean the house. I mean top to bottom, loads of trash out, and chemically cleaned up the whole thing. I can’t tell you how nice it is to live in a clean house (minus the shitting).
I never used to be an “over cleaner upper”, but after this weekend I am straight addicted to the smell of cleaner. I know this isn’t healthy, but either is inhaling the stench of dog shit.
Mom worked on getting caught up on Weeds [the TV show], and Kiri played with the neighbor girl a lot!
Today was church, napping, relaxing, and cleaning up more shit.
What did you do this weekend? Comment below.

Morning Routines

We used to have those mornings where we’d get out of bed in such a rush, I’d throw some breakfast at her to eat in the car and we were off. It didn’t really matter when we would show up at preschool (since she was a PM preschooler).

When asked by little miss’ school if we wanted AM class or PM class I originally was thinking we’d take the PM class since they have an 8:00 a.m. start, but I knew that after Kindergarten we’d have to adopt this new routine regardless.
We also live so close to the school there is no more breakfast on the go. So we set our alarms for 6:30 a.m. to have time for a lazy breakfast, time to get ready without rush, and time to drive to school.
I also have been reading the bible over a hot cup of coffee right away in the morning too!
I love our new morning routine! 🙂

SOAP

taslie-nature-goat-baby-soap

Noo! We’re not talking about that kind of soap.

I follow this wonderful blog and social media package called Good Morning Girls. Today’s post was about using the SOAP method. Scripture, Observation, Application & Prayer.

I’ve fallen away from reading scripture every day with the business of summer, but have renewed a commitment with myself to resume blogging, and switching my bible reading time to the morning.

Over the summer i’ve taken on reading the Psalms. Today I’m up to Psalm 5 which gives you a raw confession of how far I am behind. But God reminds us that we can always come back to him! Hopefully this time I will stick around for a while :).

A few verses this morning struck a cord with me:

Psalm 5:1-3, 11-12.

S. O Lord, hear me as I pray; pay attention to my groaning. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I pray to no one but you. Listen to my voice in the morning, LORD. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy. For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of Love.

O:

* We can come to God with our requests

* We don’t have to say beautiful, poetic prayers to God, crying out and groaning out to God is beautiful to him.

* Pray to no one but God.

* David is praying in the morning.

* God gives us protection

* God loves

A: I can go to God with anything. I don’t say anything specific, as God knows my heart and I can get raw with God. God alone should have my attention, and anything filling that space will need to be re-prioritized. Try switching my devotion time to the morning for a week and see how it goes. See if i’m not moved with starting out with God instead of social media. God will protect me, and God loves me. This isn’t to say that nothing bad will ever happen, but I can always rest in the comfort of the Eagles Wings.

P: Father, help me to radically change the way I live my life for you. Help prompt me to go to bed earlier so that I can spend even more time with you in the morning. Thank you for all that you do, and for giving us another day. Let me be your hands and feet today and live my life for you.

Amen.

K is for Kindergarten

Today miss KC started Kindergarten! I can still remember her birth like it was yesterday. The day she got her first tooth… the day we were at our wits end wondering why she was coughing all the time, and now… she’s “made it”. The day I’ve been dreaming about since she was born. – really – .

I had this thought of bawling my eyes out, but I didn’t.

We set her alarm clock for 6:30 a.m. which she’s NEVER woken up to until today. Promptly at 6:30 a.m. “MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY!!! My Alarm went off, time to get ready for Kindergarten!!!”

I soo badly wanted to tell her to snuggle, but I know my procrastinating daughter well, and realized this is my new reality. 6:30a.m. wake up call. For life. Or at least until she’s old enough to drive herself to school.

We got breakfast. Her – Cinnamon Toast Crunch and OJ. Me… Coffee.

Soon it was time to head to school. We took the standard, “start of school day photo” and then departed for the whole 4 minute drive. We got there way too early. The administration staff doesn’t get outside until 7:50 a.m. and we got there at 7:35. Apparently no other parent shows up until 7:45 at the earliest. So tomorrow we will revise our departure time. We drove around the “car parade” a few times until I decided to park until we saw one of the admin staff.

We find a parking spot in the back corner, and of course my goofball daughter  unbuckles herself and pops her head out the moon roof shouting, “I’m a Kindergartener”. Me… feeling like an idiot to these professional looking parents.

Finally we saw the admin staff, told K to park her butt, and got back in the “parent/car parade”. Once we got up by the doors I rolled down my window and said, “its her first day- Ms. LeSage’s room.” and Ms. Moffat promptly got miss K out of the car and said, “Hi, I’m Ms. Moffat, lets go find Ms. LeSage.” and that was that. I drove away towards Walmart as I needed a few things since returning from the Canadian Border on a family vacation.

As I was driving away I started hyperventilating thinking. Oh. Wow. Five years is just like that. Soon I had visions of dropping her off at Yale or Harvard, or the U of M and wondered what that would be like.

If five years happens in a blink. Is the next 12 years going to be a simple inhale ~ exhale? Cherish these moments. This is my new mantra. No more overly busy schedules. Cherish… cherish these moments.

One thing I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE about this school is the amazing communication that the staff has with the parents. Each weekend we recieve an e-mail from our teacher on the upcoming week. What K will learn, and any upcoming volunteer opportunities. (We’re supposed to put in 40 hours per year of volunteer work).

This can be done through teacher projects (such as sharpening pencils, which i’m currently doing in between paragraphs), attending Board Meetings, serving on the PTO. All of which I plan to do.

I picked up K in the early afternoon, and she exploded with excitement. “Oh Mom! Can I do that again tomorrow? It was so much fun!”

She said right away they played a game regarding their names. “Find the missing letter”. They went to Art Class, did Math Stations, and learned nursery rhymes.  She even met a new friend named Aurora.

Every day in her backpack we get a special folder called the “Parent – Teacher Communicator” which one side says “Keep at Home” and the other side says “Return to School”.  (Or a few packs of pencils for me to sharpen).

Buckle up mom. You’re in for a ride!

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Friday Fast Facts

1. I have a new website for my photography craft! It’s http://www.laimage.org . Check it out today!

2. Little miss begins kindergarten in just 10 more days! We got to meet her kindergarten teacher, whom seems very nice.

3. We bid farewell to the Montessori where K has spent the last two years leaning how to write her own name and do simple addition and subtraction! We will miss the bunch of influential and caring providers we had!

Relay For Life

Last night (or this morning for that matter) marks my 9th Relay For Life (RFL) i’ve participated in. When I moved back to Minnesota from California I was at a parade where they were promoting RFL, and I decided right then that THAT was something I wanted to do, and have been Relaying ever since. Unfortunately each year we add new people to the folks we walk for, but we’re still walking and not giving up the fight, or the hope that someday nobody else will hear those words, “Its Cancer”.

The past few weeks in Minnesota have been terribly hot with temps hovering around the 90s with dew points in the high 60s and 70s, but not yesterday. It was brisk and cool with dew temps barely flirting with 50, and temps in the 60s. Frankly it was a welcome break, but with the scattered rain a lot of people didn’t show up last night. So I would say last nights Relay was intimate. (But my team was still there!).

Jason and little miss stopped by to say hi, walk a few laps and put in a few bids at the silent auction. Later when I went back to check on the bids I noticed the bids had gone WAY up. So I decided to lock in on this fleece blanked my daughter had wanted, and also realized it would keep me warm over night when I wasn’t walking.  So I upped the bid sheet and I ended up having the winning bid! Horray!

The ceremonies were wonderful and walking got underway. We again got our walking punch “cards” to keep track of laps and miles and was well on my way for 10 miles. I walked miles 1-4, ran miles 5-7, and then walked the last three. While I walked I thought about all of the people that I Relay for. One lap per person until I got to my Grandma Eilleen whom I’ve never met. I thought about her for lap after lap. About how cancer robbed me of ever knowing her.

Some Short videos & pictures here: http://instagram.com/mnlindseya

We were able to fill out these cards titled “Messages to Heaven” which I filled out. It said something to the affect, “Dear God. Please give this to my Grandma Eilleen. I really wish I would have gotten to meet you. I often wonder if I have your nose, or your laugh, or kind ways…” I asked God to hug all of my aunts and uncles, other grandparents, and friends. I also asked that he would take Tyler in and love him, and keep him.  In the morning they tie these messages to balloons and release them up to God.

I thought about going for 15 miles, but that last mile 9 to 10 was very exhausting, and I ended up going back to my “campsite” on the football field to rest.  Temps dropped down to about 50 degrees and it was MIGHTY brisk. I am pretty sure as I told others that I believe I “contracted” hypothermia. Of course not really, but it was cold.

We woke up just in time for the balloon release which was magical, and moving, and emotional. I stood there and watched the beautifully colored balloons fade into the morning grey sky and disappear into the clouds. It was a wonderful way to end the Relay.

I got in my car turned the heat on high, heated seats on high and rode that way home the whole way. Climbed into bed with my husband and daughter, and slept until 2:30 p.m.

I’m not sure what today will bring, but I have a cup of coffee and baileys, a fire in the fireplace (no joke), and a whole lot of blessed memories from last night!

Friday Fast Facts

1.) I am starting to become convinced that Eli drinks extra water, so that he goes potty outside more – so that he can get more treats… I’m on to you dog!

Speaking of Eli- we went up to the Breeder to get his final “puppy” shots and the breeder said he looks absolutely great, stunning. She couldn’t believe how HUGE his paws are, and stated that he already has adult size paws. She guestimates he’s going to fill out to a muscular 120lbs!

2.) I asked K if she was excited for Uncle Rick’s & Auntie Nicole’s wedding and she said, “Oh yes… I’m excited for them to born (pronounced Bore-en) their baby tomorrow too!”

me: Come again?

K: “well after they say I do, and kiss a baby will be in her tummy, and then they’re going to the dance, and eating cake, and then they will go to the hospital to born their baby Natalie.

Maybe she knows more than the rest of us??……..

3.) Tomorrow I gain a sister, a niece and a nephew. I have the huge privilege of taking all of their [“professional”] photos!

4.) I have a new favorite summertime wine. I love love love red wine, but in the summer I like a nice chilled white. I discovered this little diddy recently: Mommy’s Time Out. You should try it!

Epilogue

I understand if you don’t want to read this post. It’s hard to read… and its hard to write.

Thinks went ok. I guess according to plan. Friday night we went to Cub and got two huge steaks to give to Tyler as a sort of “last meal”. He absolutely loved it, and was the most he’s eaten in quite a while. We’re actually hopping Sadie starts to lose some weight now, because she is only supposed to have 1 cup total per day, and Tyler was getting 2.5 cups, and Sadie was eating a whole lot of his since he wasn’t eating.

Anyways – Saturday morning I woke up “early” probably a quarter to 8 or so – just knowing what lay ahead of us for the day. We spent some time loving on Tyler and getting some last pictures/videos of him before we took off for the vet.

We couldn’t have asked for a better Vet to go to. We didn’t even have to wait at all in the waiting room, and we arrived at about 10am for our 10:15 appointment, so that was super nice. I think it would have been much more difficult if we would have had to wait in public. “Oh what are you guys here for? I hope your dog feels better soon!”….  I wore my sunglasses much of the first half of the appointment… so nobody could see the hurt in my eyes, including Tyler. I felt safe behind them.

They had a nice blanket laying down on the floor, and the CVT took some photos of K, Jason, Tyler and I. We then took off his collar and gave his neck a good last scratch. Then the CVT gave him a sedative, which did not put him to the unconscious state that he was supposed to be in. We “joked” that Tyler didn’t want to leave us… so they gave him another whole dose of sedative, and out he went snoring loudly, and not responding to any pain at all.

The very nice Vet came in and went through some stuff, of course the standard, “I’m sorry for your loss”… and also commended our bravery for ending Tyler’s pain that morning.  She checked Tyler out and said that he will have absolutely no part in the final injection, and that he’s already at peace. And then with Jason and I holding Tyler’s paws and petting his head she started looking for a good vein. They did a 10x anesthesia dose, and were able to get a vein after shaving 2 or 3 of his paws. They [books/online] say it takes 30 seconds to a minute, but he was gone in about 5 seconds flat.

The Vet listened to his heart  as he had some twitching, and his brain telling him to start breathing very hard, but all the while in a very calm and soothing voice Dr. Gail just kept telling us that it was the last bits of positive energy leaving his body. The whole ordeal was incredibly sad and probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done before.  Dr. Gail all the while listening with her stethoscope said she couldn’t hear any heart beat, that he was gone… and that it was just normal bodily functions, and the last bits of energy…  That part was really helpful.

They took a clay paw print and then helped to load him into my car and wrapped him in a blanket. It took putting him in the wheelbarrow to bring him to the back….which seemed sad but we wheeled it back and laid him to rest. I helped toss some dirt on him, and Jason built a cross to put at the head. K wrote the name “Tyler” on the cross, and Jason soldered it in, and we slung his collar on the top of the cross.

There is definitely a presence missing. I feel the lack of him in the house. Even though we still have 4 pets, he was such a large presence (literally) that it just seems so empty.

As time goes on – the pain will ease up. I try not to think too deeply about it though. Eli is already eating out of Tyler’s dog dish which made me cry at first, but Eli is trying his darndest to fill his older brothers shoes…

The time is near

Tyler’s time is near. Three days. Maybe two. Probably three. (Saturday)…. Playing God – or what I feel like what I’m doing doesn’t feel right, yet it feels so right. 

I can see that Life is still deep in this big boys eyes… begging to be let free… 

Tyler

Tyler

I’m begging, and pleading to God to show me, tell me that we’re doing the right thing, and that we’re not killing our best friend.

He spends all but moments mostly laying around – not doing anything but keeping as still as possible to let the pain go free.

He gets up to go outside – to be respectful of the house, but that 30 foot walk is like a marathon despite the mass amount of pain meds we’re giving him.

I’m mad and bitter and angry towards you Cancer. 

Growing up I’ve never had a dog, and have actually been scared of [most] them most of my life. Until we got you Tyler. 

And of all the dogs we could get we get a supposed QUOTE “aggressive” breed dog, which you certainly are not.

I have met a kind of love that is second only to the love my child brings me. 

Tyler – I do not want to let you go. But is this [keeping you here] for my benefit or yours? Whats the right call?

Please don’t think I don’t love you. I love you so so so much.

I’m going to miss waking up next to you in my bed… thinking that you are Jason… with my arm and leg draped over you…. You sneaky Tyler – even laying on Jason’s pillow trying to blend in!

I’m going to miss you waking me up in the middle of the night and barking for no fucking reason at all.

I will miss the time you ate my cell phone…. and the fact I only have 4 out of my 35 pairs of shoes left…..

I’m going to miss finding your hair in my lunch box at work, and hair all over my clothes…. It annoys me now, but i’m going to miss it.

I’m going to miss your amazing tolerance and love for chocolate! (yes he’s had over a whole pound of chocolate and not even gotten sick)

But most of all I’m going to miss how safe you’ve made me feel, for laying next to K’s crib after she was born…

and for the unconditional love you’ve given me and the love for dogs I now have.

I love you Tyler… Soon you will run free…..

Oh, Hi my name is Eli!

Hi,

I’m Eli. I grew up just a stones throw north of here with the nicest mum and pop!

They are purebred Cane Corso’s – the Italian Mastiff! My new mom and dad (Lindsey & Jason) came to pick me up today.

I’m already big and stocky. At 7 weeks old I’m already about 15 pounds!

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The car ride home was ok, but I was kind of scared, so I sat on my new dad’s lap the whole way home!

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Once we got home I met Tyler & Sadie, and sniffed around the yard. Several neighbors knew I was coming so they come over and I got to meet several people today already!

Time for a snooze! I’m so wrinkly when I sleep!

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After my short nap I went over to the neighbors house to watch their little 2 1/2 year old play basket ball. I pounced after it, but I’m still so new I fall a lot.

So my new mom and I went to the other neighbors where I fell asleep in her lap for about 15 minutes. She didn’t want to let me go and I was very very comfortable.

Finally it was time to go back to my new home and my new mom put me in “jail” for the night. I do not like it here. My old mum and litter mates are not here, and I am scared.

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My new sister Sadie came to visit me though so I calmed down for a bit and we snuggled at the gate.

She wanted to tell me she’s been there before and it gets better!

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Off to my first night here. I’m thinking my new family isn’t going to get much sleep!