You Make Me Brave

Feb 5, 2015

Just over a month ago – a friend in my house group gave her faith story where she talked about how this song by Amanda Cook – has helped her through some difficult seasons in her life. After she gave her testimony I jotted down the artist and song name, and immediately added it to my playlist on Spotify. Listening to it, and really enjoying it.

It wasn’t truly until two weeks ago that it began to really take hold. Our hearts are unbelievably broken as I shared with friends and the world on facebook that Niko is now running wild and free with Tyler & Eli. For those that didn’t know he was ill, just before Christmas he began acting strange, and it almost seemed as though he was going blind. After a few days and after him running into walls and trees we brought him into our vet who believed he had central blindness, and refered us to an Opthamologist.

The Opthamologist confirmed the blindness and said that we needed to see a veterinary neurologist. After consulting on the phone with one of the techs at the University of Minnesota – and learning that we’d have to spend several thousand dollars to maybe get an answer -and then another 10-20K for treatment on what was most likely a brain tumor we decided to love him up in the best way possible.

Unfortunately he progressed much faster than we thought he would. Within a month he could barely walk, was loosing control of his bowels and spending nearly all of his time sleeping.

I know for those that aren’t passionate about dogs it’s hard to understand that our dogs and pets are really so much more than just pets. The loss off three dogs, two of which were just puppies in 18 short months, shouldered by my dad’s death is a devastating blow, but I think about what Ann Voskamp once said, when speaking about being thankful for every gift that God has given us. To appreciate hard gifts as well. Because the hard gifts WILL BE for good… the good gifts will be FOREVER and the BEST GIFTS will be forthcoming. I love that.

I don’t think that my losses were gifts necessarily, but God can somehow make ugly situations beautiful.

My husband and I recently went to see the movie American Sniper. Both in the movie and in real life when a Navy man is in BUDS training one of the things the trainers make them to is walk out into the surf, sit down and let the waves crash over them again and again and again.

In Amanda’s lyrics, You Make me Brave she sings, “As Your love, In wave after wave crashes over me, crashes over me. For You are for us, You are not against us..” and I look back and think about how true this is.

In the past six months I have leaned in close to God, and have been nearly drowned in His love. Just like the Navy Seals in BUDS training – its like walking out into the surf sitting down, and letting each wave of His grace, comfort and love just crash into you. The ocean is relentless, and God is relentless in his pursuit and love for us.

I am reminded of the promise that God made to His people in Jeremiah 29:11-14 “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I’ll listen. When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” – God’s Decree (MSG)

I have found such truth in verse 14 – When you get serious about finding God, and drawing near to Him. Being in His word daily – filling up on worship music, and good christian books , and wanting more of Christ than anything else – you will be so covered – read – drowning in his love that it becomes like the air you breathe and something you will crave when you wake up each day.

Living in this state of Grace is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced, and in that, God has made me unbelievably brave. How else could I cope with loss or deal with trouble, or difficult days , or plain old LIFE without him near me? I am living a BRAVE new life right now, and when he calls me out into the water – I don’t tread lightly but RUN to him as the Anchor that He is.

Countdown to the BWCA ~ Part 3

Feb 1, 2015

I’m half way through this series and with every post the anticipation is pregnant with excitement that I can hardly contain. Wednesday January 28th was permit issuing opener beginning at 9:00 a.m. My co-worker [who is also scheduling a trip this year] and I logged into bwcaw.org respectively on our computers at 8:45 a.m. and waited like children on Christmas morn waiting for their sleepy parents to arise from their slumber so that we could open our presents!

As soon as 9:00 a.m. rolled around I clicked submit and just like magic we have a permit reserved!

Suddenly the trip became all too real – we are no longer collecting ridiculously fancy camping equipment from REI, but are going on a real life wilderness adventure. We began going over the list this past week on what we still need, and tasks we need to complete.

After some research on an outfitter for a canoe of course (because who wants to hump an 80lb canoe in? ) and perhaps lodging for the night – we found both through Canadian Waters Inc. Dan Waters and his wife Cathy have been in business since 1964 – and have been going on trips to the BWCAW since the 40s. Clearly they are qualified to take care of a little family 3 pack (plus a Jack Russell).

Canadian Waters not only rents/sells canoes, but also has a bunkhouse and will allow our JRT to bunk with us since we plan to take her on our adventure. After talking it over with my husband – we are planning to flat out purchase one of their 2013 models providing there aren’t too many patches on it, and that the gunwales are still in great condition.

After crunching the numbers – and because we plan to take possibly a summer trip and almost assuredly a fall trip – it would be foolish to us to rent, because in just this year the canoe would be basically paid for through rentals.

We’ve settled on the Boundary Waters We-Noh-nah canoe for its stability factor (since we are avid fisherman (and woman). Further our 1984 beast mode fiberglass canoe weighing in at 80lbs borrowed to us by our good friends has the exact same dimensions as the Boundary Waters model – and we’ve been in that several times with 3 adults and had an amazing time.

We’ve purchased some more food, and I plan to actually pack them in the bag to make sure that I don’t need to upgrade to the Granite Gear Quetico – over my current pack. (Mine is purple) (The difference of 20L).

Other than that – we’ve relented to the fact that we would be better off with individual sleeping bags (as opposed to humping our queen sleeping bag) and purchasing Thermarests with foam to keep us warm (and cozy) as well. Going over our list I realize we still need to purchase a few things over the next few months.

Here’s what we still need to purchase:
-2 Sleeping Bags (Miss K has one – so as long as its R rating is good – we only need 2)
-3 Thermarests
– Thermarest pillows for whoever wants one. (I do – I do)
-1 Boundary Waters Canoe from Canadian Waters, Inc
– 2 Paddles (I prefer the bent shaft)
–Lifeproof Case for my iPhone so I don’t have to carry in my “good camera” since i’m shooting a wedding 2 weeks after our trip and hello the iPhone 6 takes awesome photos
–Dog Lifejacket for Sadie our JRT – yes she can swim – but water temps will probably be in the 50s.
–Dog bowl travel system
–More Paracord (can you even have “too much”?
– SAT phone which we will rent from Canadian Waters. (For emergencies)
– New Fishing Poles (because who doesn’t want and excuse to buy new fishing gear?)

Now checking just today at the available permits – I’m so glad that I was on the ball as there are only 3 permits left for the time that we were planning to go (There were originally 8).

So – lots to do this next month. We need to reserve our bunkhouse, purchase the canoe (or at least put a deposit down on it) and finish packing to determine if I need to upgrade my pack since I am carrying the majority of our gear since Jason will be carrying the canoe – and we don’t expect our 7 year old to carry too much beyond her sleeping bag and thermarest.

Nights are filled with gear lists, timelines, unrelenting research on the area we are going to, the general Ely area, and reading trip reports of others who’ve gone on the same route, and watching video podcasts and you tube videos for inspiration. To say I am obsessed may or may not be an understatement! I have no idea how I am supposed to wait another three months, but I’m up to a challenge, and would like to apologize to everyone around me for my boundless excitement lest I annoy you that is not my intention.

Cheers!

Happy Birthday Niko!

Jan 16, 2015

Happy 1st Birthday Niko!

You are beautiful – and loving, and deep down you still are fierce. Though you can no longer see my face, and your body fails you time and time again I see you. I see your beautiful face, and the love in your eyes – though vacant – oh they are so full of love.

I could look back on these past six months as a time of struggle – but I really don’t. I do however take it as a time of learning, and a journey on a continuum that i had started several ~~months~~ – years before.

But really what is a struggle? After all – I am not where Job was – he literally lost everything. Bless the Lord above I am not Job.

We’ve always had a “tough” dog. Dad travels a lot, and we feel rest assured to have a protection dog to alert us when danger is near. After Tyler our beloved Rottweiler died we had adopted your brother Eli. You two shared the same mom, but had a different dad. We spent a glorious 3 months with him, but at his age of 5 months – he passed tragically away.

He had the same love of eating EVERYTHING that you do Niko – except he wasn’t able to pass things as easily as you.

After your brother died we were absolutely devastated and broken. We had lost two of our dogs within three months, and had a little 15 pound Jack Russell protecting our house! She may be little, but she does a great job.

We went out to the farm where your mom and dad live to spend some time with other Corso’s just like you! Your breed has near magical powers that make people feel so loved in an indescribable way. When we were there we learned that your mama was going into heat and would have another litter soon.

Between November and December we anxiously awaited your arrival and were so excited to learn at the winter cabin that you were born! I’m sure outsiders thought we were adopting a human baby because of our excitement level. Our hearts leapt, and came out to see you and your litter-mates as soon as we were able. We chose you! You were so calm and sweet and a tough little man.

We had a countdown calendar to the day we could take you home, and officially call you ours.

The night we took you home we cradled you in our arms, and sometimes even now I can still see that expression on your face when you lay across my lap desperately trying to be that 15 pound puppy we once knew.

Oh how we had high hopes for you!

We immediately put you in obedience training – both puppy kindergarten and obedience. You had a strong willingness to learn, and caught on very easily.

Unfortunately – mid December when you were just 11 months old we learned that you went mysteriously blind, and suffer from Ataxia. You have trouble walking at times, and fall down a lot. We built a ramp for you out our back door, and see how much you try to map out our backyard. You are incredibly determined, and I think you will overcome this obstacle.

We chose your breed to take care of us, but it seems that we are taking care of you. We’ve learned so much from you in just one year Niko. We’ve learned patience like no other and complete trust. You have to trust fully in us to see for you and those times when your legs give out you trust us to bring you to a safe spot.

We will protect you and love you Niko- like you would have protected us. We hope dearly to celebrate many more birthday’s with you, but are truly blessed for each moment we have with you now!!

~ Love Mom & Dad

Venison Bourguignon

Jan 9, 2015

~ In the Classical French Style!

I just love cooking. Creating something with my hands, and the ingredients sifting through my fingers. I wanted to create something more classic than the modern fair that has been serving me and my family so well from Pinterest. Not that there is anything wrong with those recipes. I love those recipes, but I wanted a real challenge!

While at the grocery store and not having my list, I was in the soup aisle and grabbed some beef stock. On the back was a recipe for Beef Bourguignon. Since we have an entire deer I thought I would easily translate this over to a French Classic version of Venison Bourguignon. How hard could it be? So in the cart it went!

After watching several videos last Thursday night 1/1 I settled on a mashup of some professional chef I found on You Tube, and Julia Child. As a young girl Julia Child’s voice drove me nuts and I couldn’t stand her, but now as an aspiring home chef I absolutely adore her! She has so many great tips that you just don’t find in the cooking shows of today, and lets be honest… the girl is hilarious! I could easily see her and I being BFFs! (I know she has since passed) I literally stayed up until 1:00 a.m. watching her videos! She is my hero.

I started the process around 1:30 p.m. or so trimming a 1.5# venison roast. There wasn’t much to trim besides a bit of the tallow, so I then cut it into large chunks (slightly bigger than bite size) and gathered my ingredients and supplies.

10in Dutch Oven
Cast Iron Skillet
Large Batter Bowl from Pampered Chef
non-stick LARGE skillet

Firstly I sprinkled in a bit of pepper on the bottom of the Batter Bowl and then put the venison chunks. Next I grabbed my garlic slicer (also from Pampered Chef) and rough chopped 3-4 garlic cloves, and then thinly sliced the garlic over the venison. Lastly I poured enough wine over the venison to just barely cover it, and set it aside.

Set my oven to 425 degrees and put the 10in Dutch Oven inside to preheat both.

Next I started out cutting 4 pieces of bacon into small strips, and then putting them into the large skillet over medium heat to render the fat out of the bacon. After it was nice and toasty I used a slotted spoon (actually the nylon deep fry spatula works best) to set the bacon aside.

I also started cooking half a dozen boiling onions peeled with some olive oil in a small sauce pan. Normally you would finely chop these, but since my husband hates onions I settled for keeping them whole.

While the bacon was cooking I peeled and largely chopped 4 carrots, and peeled about 5 more small (boiling size) onions. You could use a shallot too, but you wouldn’t want your onions any bigger than the shallot size. You can maybe quarter or half these onions, but keep them rather large.

My venison was ready to cook. I browned each side for approximately 3-4 minutes per side without crowding the skillet too much, and then set aside leaving all of that glorious bacon fat in the hot skillet.

I immediately put my carrots and onions in the skillet with the bacon fat and had on medium heat. I also added maybe 2-3 cups of beef broth.

Once my venison was cooled enough to handle I dredged in flour. Don’t make it so that its completely caked with flour – just enough to be sticky and gooey.I then opened the oven, poured in a bit of Olive Oil in the dutch oven, and then placed my venison in there and set the timer for 7 minutes.

Now that my onions in the small saucepan were starting to turn golden brown I added in about a 1/4 of tomato paste until cooked down. After that I poured my wine marinade into the sauce pan, added the bacon in and turned down to the lowest simmer. Once that came to a full summer I added in a teaspoon of thyme, let it just simmer.

Now go back into the oven and stir the venison, and let braise another five minutes.

After the five minutes is up, add the entire contents of the small saucepan mixture into the dutch oven, add the lid, and VERY IMPORTANTLY lower the oven temperature to 320 F.

Now I got to just sit back and wait for about three hours while the venison, and the wine, onion, tomato purée mixture cooked for about three hours! Enjoy a glass of wine and pick up the kitchen while you wait, or scout Pinterest for more fun recipes!

At the tail end of the braising I put my daughter to work by having her clean the mushrooms! She thought this was super cool, and felt super important!

I then grabbed my cast iron skillet to start on the mushrooms. Keep them whole. First I melted 1 tablespoon butter and 1 tablespoon olive oil. Once that was heated through, I added the mushrooms and gave it a good stir. Next one of my recipes said to put a quarter cup of cognac over the top and light on fire! I did not have any cognac so I tried Jamison whiskey but that did not have high enough of an alcohol content to start on fire, so instead we have whiskey mushrooms! (If you do try the cognac step back from the skillet or you may burn your eyebrows off and that wouldn’t be good at all!)

Once the mushrooms were complete and the three hours of braising was done I added mushrooms carrots and the onions that were previously cooked all into the Dutch oven and roasted for another 20 minutes!

While that was going on I started a pot of egg noodles to serve everything over and FINALLY it was time to eat at 6:30 p.m.!

I dished everyone up a plate and took my first glorious bite alongside a delicious sip of Marechal Foch from St. Croix Vineyard!

I would definitely make this again and definitely on a weekend because it just takes too long to make on a week night.

My Hero!

This list is what I used in my Venison Bourguignon.

Bon Appétit!

Countdown to the BWCA ~ Part 2

Jan 1, 2015

The days are ticking by and with the merriment of the holidays and our daughters play we hadn’t been quite as immersed in planning as before. That changes this month however with requesting of our permit at the end of the month.

Everyone entering the bwca must have a permit to enter and between April and October you usually have to put in notice ahead of time. The key date to get your permit is on Wednesday January 28, 2015, at 9 a.m. I of course have my calendar set already!

Between Christmas gifts and my birthday gifts we got much of the rest of the items that we were looking for including the epic Bio Lite stove. We even test drove it on Christmas night, and were able to boil water in 8 minutes flat! (I think that’s faster than my own stove-top and certainly faster than my regular camp stove!) We even used the pot that we are bringing to the BWCA so that we could have the most realistic practice.

I got out the Playtupus Gravity Works filter system and hooked that baby up too (apparently it was test all of our products night)! Water started filtering like a BOSS! I couldn’t even believe how fast the water filters through this thing! Jason and I decided that right when we get to a campsite we will do the water, then set up the tent, while Kiki gathers twigs for our Bio Lite stove.

Unfortunately I need to return it though, because there is a gash in the tubing on the clean water side, bummer! Other than this – it works exceptionally well, so I will be making a trek down to REI this upcoming weekend. (Plus its their garage sale weekend – so hopefully we score some good deals and we can go rock climbing!)

Later this month we plan to buy the rest of the food that we are planning to bring, to get that all packed in the bag as well. (Just to make sure everything fits – so that if i need to order a Granite Gear Pack) I will know ahead of time.

So far we have a few Mountain House meals, and a few of the Bear Creek soups which we will just purchase pouch chicken for to add to it. We also will be brining a box or two of Rice-a-Roni and again adding either dried beef, or summer sausage to that etc. Breakfasts we plan to just bring oatmeal, and we’re still working out lunch and if left overs might be a possibility, or bring crackers and the pre-mixed tuna salad you can find in the tuna aisle.

Other than this – we are just trying stuff out to make sure it works, securing a bit more para cord, and at least one one other dry sack (or two). Beyond this – we will likely be renting a canoe from an outfitter, just to make our first experience the best one possible.

This next month we will be spending time procuring food, checking our list for whatever else we might need, and of course getting our permit!

Mid-month we’re heading up to the winter cabin that our family rents (sans kids) to play games, relax and me hopefully do a little hiking or snow shoeing!

Happy New Years everyone!

Anchor

Dec 31, 2014

The last day of twenty fourteen!
I thought it was only appropriate to look back on where I was, where I’ve come and what I have before me. Last year I posted a litany of resolutions, or what I called Purposeful Intent. Something that I intended to do with purpose. While I did some of the things on my list, I failed completely at others.

Instead of a list that will just show me how futile human attainment (for me at least) can be, I opt in instead for a word to focus on, and a verse to pray over. I’m also in the process of writing down A Thousand Gifts – things I love to show me how I’ve been blessed and loved by the Lord, and of course my trip to the BWCAW.

Way back in 2013 I had chosen a verse for the year to focus on. I wrote it out on scratch paper in pen, and taped it to my electronic calendar which was Proverbs 19:21 – Many are the plans in a person’s heart,but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. Each day since, I’ve looked at that verse and repeated it to myself. This verse gave me such a great deal of comfort while we waited to find out if our daughter was going to get into the school we desperately had hoped for, and in the aftermath of my dad.

This past summer while my father was still clinging to life in the hospital Proverbs 3:5 just would not leave my mind. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. This was my mantra – and still is. There is no way for me to understand what happened, and all I can do is trust fully in the Lord and know that this is not the end of the story.

After hearing this amazing song by none other than Hillsong United (Who brought us Oceans) I could not get the word ANCHOR out of my mind. In fact I almost named this blog – littleblessedlife.com with something to do with an anchor. It seemed so powerful with both me and my dad having served in the Navy and then with this overwhelming desire to go to the BWCAW this upcoming spring I knew that this word was going to be it for 2015. It wasn’t until I started looking for a stock photo of an anchor for this exact post that I came across Hebrews 6:19 and my jaw dropped to the floor.

Click for source

The lyrics of this song which will not get out of my head was ripped right from Hebrews 6:19. Oh how I believe in this verse with my entire being, my entire soul! When I came across this song late this fall, the lyrics immediately gave words and real structure to what I had been feeling in my heart these past few months, but could not say myself. It felt deeply like my postlude to Oceans in a way and to my story. I had been led out into the deep waters, walked on water and am now holding so tightly to my Anchor, my God to keep me from blowing away. I find it difficult at times to explain what I am feeling inside, but this song and its lyrics do it so beautifully.

On any given day when I felt the tides rise up, ready to wash over me I listen to this song with arms stretched out and face lifted, and immediately feel the Lords presence surrounding me. Its strange in a way to me how deep my faith has grown since July. Its not as though I grew up with unbelief. From as long as I can remember I believed in the story of the cross, but some how I now just know its true. Every time I sing to God, and pray I feel my dad right next to me.

In these storms it is so easy to drift, and be consumed with the rains beating down on you – but with the Anchor holding me in place I will not drift, I will not fall I will not be consumed with fear and despair, but consumed with faith, hope and love. Love that was nailed to the cross.

My Father has been so present in my life these past six months, its overwhelming to the point of tears when singing worship songs. I can’t imagine how my father feels being face to face with Him. “He gave everything to save the world He loves”.

Hope. What brings joy to the heart, which brings light to the world, and the laying out of full trust in the Lord. Drink in these words with me. Let them wash over you, and I wish you each a blessed and remarkable 2015 where you grow closer to the Lord.

These words are my anthem, my battle cry.

I have this hope
As an anchor for my soul
Through every storm
I will hold to You

With endless love
All my fear is swept away
In everything
I will trust in You

There is hope in the promise of the cross
You gave everything to save the world You love
And this hope is an anchor for my soul
Our God will stand
Unshakeable

Unchanging One
You who was and is to come
Your promise sure
You will not let go

Your Name is higher
Your Name is greater
All my hope is in You

Your word unfailing
Your promise unshaken
All my hope is in You

I am such a sucker for acoustic versions of songs- so when i found this there was so much joy and elation in my heart! I hope you enjoy!

The Night Before Christmas

Dec 24, 2014

Merry Christmas readers! I am so unbelievably excited to unveil FULLY my new blog tonight with a squeaky clean custom design! This is another reason why I combined Not Quite Hinterland, and Where Feet May Fail together. Thank you to my mom who got this for me for Christmas! I hope you love it as much as I do. Across the top you will see categories. If you come to my blog to read about Faith stories – click on Faith and you will see everything I have posted about Faith etc- Feel free to grab a glass of Egg Nog or some wine and look around! But enough digressing. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Merry season of all when God so loved this world. This world. That He GAVE his only Son. Himself in human form. For us. Oh what a gift. Among all of the presents we’re given, this gift – that God gives – is the greatest gift.

This song has always been one of my favorites, but listening to it this year held an extra special meaning for me. I am so thankful that God came to this world – so that we could be reconciled with him. What gives me greatest comfort with my dad is knowing that I will see him again. On this night He literally changed history forever. We changed how we count time and years from this moment.

We are still so lost though as a people. If anything just turn on CNN, open your twitter feed or log on to Facebook. “Into darkness, sadness, desperate madness, creation so torn, We were, so lost on earth, no peace, no worth, no way to escape. In fear, no faith, no hope, no grace, and no light, But that was the night before Christmas.

My daughter is acting in a major play this upcoming weekend, and of course we have several family members and friends who want to come and see her. I purchased 19 tickets to the tune of over $220 and they were being safely kept in our daughters dance bag.

When my mom asked this evening for the tickets, I ran out to the car to retrieve the tickets and to my horror the envelope was gone. I searched through the car in haste, under the seats, and in the back seat pockets, glove compartments, center council and completely emptied my purse. No luck.

I must have left the tickets at home.

I went on enjoying the evening under the full assumption that the tickets were safe at home on our front counter which would be the most logical place, so when we got home, and my husband asked if I had found the tickets I immediately went to look on the front counter. Looking under presents, and books and purses I couldn’t find them. I immediately went to the kitchen and searched the kitchen counter and table.

No.

* Re-Emptied my purse. No
* Emptied another purse. NO
* Began to panic. Yes
* Searched bookshelf. No
* Searched Car. No

Then I had a horrifying thought. We had just gone to the MN Wild Hockey game and I had cleaned out my car. What if I had thrown the tickets away? I was in luck the trash man hadn’t come yet. So I went to the trash bin, tipped it over on its side, climbed half in, and disgustingly and painstakingly went through each piece by piece. I kept thinking to myself, what if I don’t find the tickets. I will have to answer to everyone who is so excited to see her and tell them they can’t go. Then I thought about the money – and how I’d owe everyone back their ticket fee. Devastatingly I didn’t find the tickets.

I got back in the house, washed my hands, and e-mailed the dance and theater director to see if there was any way to re-issue the tickets. I went back and looked in my purses, the counter tops, the bookshelf the cupboards, the car (three times) and her room and ours. All turned up no.

I told Jason, “Honey – if you have them please tell me. I won’t even be mad if you were trying to teach me a lesson, but he didn’t have them.

Then I had a thought that maybe they were in my desk at work. I’m not really sure why they would be there, but I asked Jason how crazy it would be to drive 20 miles to work at 9pm on Christmas Eve. I felt like I was going to throw up so I poured myself a glass of Chardonnay and began to type the blog post for tonight.

While typing my husband began looking in the drawers I had already and then was going to look in the cupboard above the computer that I had also already looked in. I told him – yeah – look in there, pull out the desk organizer and search through. I already looked, but its not going to hurt to look again. Right behind the three hole punch like a Christmas miracle there they were.

I squealed with delight, exhaled, and nearly threw up again out of relief.

Now I tell you this story – not to show you how irresponsible I am, and the slight chance I’m getting early Alzheimers, but to give a parallel to Luke chapter 15.

How much more does God love us? How much more would he search for us? Certainly we are worth more than play tickets!
Luke 15 tells the story in verses 4-10
“Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep and lost one. Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness and go after the lost one until you found it? When found, you can be sure you would put it across your shoulders, rejoicing, and when you got home call in your friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Celebrate with me! I’ve found my lost sheep!’ Count on it—there’s more joy in heaven over one sinner’s rescued life than over ninety-nine good people in no need of rescue.

“Or imagine a woman who has ten coins and loses one. Won’t she light a lamp and scour the house, looking in every nook and cranny until she finds it? And when she finds it you can be sure she’ll call her friends and neighbors: ‘Celebrate with me! I found my lost coin!’ Count on it—that’s the kind of party God’s angels throw every time one lost soul turns to God.”

I threw my arms around Jason and was overcome with Joy when those tickets were found.
Without the light of Christ, there is fear, and no hope, and no grace. We are lost. God had a plan though to come down on a rescue mission to find all those who were lost and hurting and in despair.

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. ~ John 3:16-17.

What are you looking for this season? I know that when I look into myself I feel so lost and have no peace, no worth, no way to escape. I am consumed with the thoughts of, “Why did MY dad have to die so young, so tragically… Why did MY young dog have to go blind? Its so easy to get caught up into Me Me ME that I start treating God like he is some magical genie that only exists to make my life happy… but when I look to the cross… I realize that “Salvation wrote the song – the night before Christmas”.

I can put my entire trust in the Lord. Over the past year it has been made so crystal clear that God is sovereign, and that God is in control. I am completely comfortable not knowing all of the answers, and quite honestly, I’m not sure if I would even understand on this side of heaven.

What is lost to you? Dare you look to the star shining above tonight? Dare you follow it like the Sheppard’s did? The star that light up the night… The Night Before Christmas.

Happy Birthday

Dec 22, 2014

Happy birthday Dad!

For as long as I can remember you were the first person I would call on our birthday. We would both wish each other a happy birthday and often sang the traditional birthday tune in an off key rendition that only we [and our family] could appreciate. So happy 66th birthday! The age that you could officially retire (even though you had been for years now) you went off to the ultimate retirement home! Please give Jesus a hug for me.

I think about you often Dad. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you, but those moments in the day when I don’t something still feels amiss or off. Its like something is missing, and I have the physical feeling that I did something terribly wrong. You know when you feel guilty and your insides feel tight, and there is that quiet pressure near your sternum waiting to bubble up. Though I didn’t do anything wrong, something did go terribly wrong. That’s what grief physically feels like. You would know having lost your mother when you were 11 and your dad in your 40s.

I am so blessed to have so many amazing memories to hold on to. Like little birthday presents I unwrap these memories and remember. Sometimes its remembering a look you gave me, they way you danced, an experience that we shared, or a quiet embrace. You were such a gentle soul.

Mom, Missy, and I (and later some others) are off to tour the local Vineyards today! The idea of having dinner at home and only singing happy birthday once was too raw – but because of my love of wine, and yours too – we will be going ’round to the wineries and raising a glass today and lighting your candle along the way. (Check out the photos on Instagram by searching #vineyardbday, and #partingGlass)

Our family holds deep Irish traditions, so I raise a glass high to you dad! You were the best. Your entire life from what I could see was built on making others feel loved and welcome. Truly you were a man after Gods heart, and an imitator of Christ. I miss you every single day dad. Oh how I wish you were not handed the parting glass! I wish I could take it back and have another year with you, another moment, another breath. But come fell to you – the parting glass. You’re never forgotten, and always treasured so deep in my heart.
I raise my glass to you with this song. An old Irish hymn that cries out from the grave.

Happy Birthday Dad. Today I spread my wings and fly out of the nest – all on my own. Thirty-Four years and I am soaring Dad. I can’t wait to see you again. May it be just a breath between now and then when we sing in merriment again!

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.

Lay it at His feet

Dec 8, 2014

Through the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, and BWCA trip planning its easy to forget why there is a giant hole in my heart. I’m learning through it all to lay it down at His feet. Everything I’ve ever tried to hold on to, and figure out on my own has been met with anxiety and worry.

Allow me to explain.

I’ve written down a few times that I’m was very nervous about my birthday that is coming up in now 14 days. A birthday that I had shared with my dad since that Monday morning that I came into the world 34 years ago at 11:13 a.m. The day that I became connected with my father, and bonded in this date forever. The last time I posted about it, I was in the depths of sorrow finally allowing myself to think about what my birthday will look like without him.

Without the joint birthday song singing, cake eating, and typical birthday fanfare we once shared.

I prayed a prayer that night asking God to take this feeling of anxiety surrounding my ~~our~~ my? birthday from me and woke up feeling refreshed about it. My sister had come up with an idea that was actually a deep desire that I had had that I didn’t even know she knew. Maybe she didn’t know. Maybe it was God planning out what he knew was in my heart.

We are planning to go on a Vineyard Tour of several of the Western Wisconsin/Eastern Minnesotan wineries along the St. Croix River Valley. Wine – something that I love and something my dad loved as well. We are going to bring his candle along and light it at each vineyard and raise a glass to birthdays and memories. I think I like this idea for future birthday’s as well, or at least some version of it.

God is in the business of answering prayers friends. He will never leave me or forsake me.

It wasn’t easy to get to this more restful place though. I had to lay this down at the feet of Jesus. I have to lay down a lot of things at His feet. When I tried to hold this part in, and stuff it down it became unbearable to bear. Jesus says, “Come to me, Lindsey who is weary and carries heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT and mine)

You see friends, when we lay our cares and worries at the feet of Jesus he picks up those heavy, messy and broken pieces. That angst and fear that can drown us.

Psalm 55:22 Give your burdens to the lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. // 1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. // Philippians 4:6-9 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Amen Amen Amen.

Redeeming Helper,
Thank you for your strength Lord. Thank you for letting me rest in you. Thank you for carrying and taking this burden of worry for me. Whenever I have called out to you to help me you’ve never failed me. You are always here whenever I need you. Thank you for being consistent Father and loving me always.

Amen Amen Amen.

Countdown to the BWCA ~ Part 1

Dec 1, 2014

Join me in this six part series! The Countdown to the BWCA posted on the 1st of each month!

As you may know, since mid-August we’ve been ~~looking forward to~~ obsessed over our upcoming trip into the BWCAW. Its something I personally am feeling really called to do and have been doing research near daily since. After about 8 weeks of pouring over maps and trip reports we’ve decided to enter in at Mudro and head north instead of east towards Basswood falls where most go.

We recently took a trip down to the mothership REI in Bloomington, Minnesota where we stocked up on a lot of our gear!

Click for Photo Source

It was so hard not to become distracted in the store, you know with the canoes hanging from the ceiling and myriad backpacks screaming for you to buy them and pretty much everything that was on an end cap looked super inviting to buy too!

After speaking with a super knowledgeable employee in the tent department we finally decided upon the Kelty four person backpacking lightweight tent. Perfect for the three of us. Light enough for Jason to carry but roomy enough for the dogs to come in if we ever decided to bring them along in the future.

I had my mind made up that I wanted Granite Gear Quetico Portaging pack but they didn’t have any portaging packs except Chicago IL or Duluth MN. Kiri chanted, “Mama just get one of these packs!” as she was pointing to the hiking style backpacks while being fitted for her own.

I was now at a crossroads. In doing a lot of research at bwca.com, the way to go is either a Granite Gear portaging pack, a Duluth Pack or a CCS pack. But my family was trying on their packs and my husband brought up a good point… If we ever wanted to do either the POW WOW trail, the Superior Hiking Trail, myriad back pack camping sites at the state parks, or take a trip out west the backpacking pack would be my best bet.

I begrudgingly tried one on, but was instantly impressed with comfort and potential performance. With the thought in the back of my mind if I ever took a trip over to CCS, I could easily return the hiking one, but it is 65L so I think chances are I will keep it.

Here’s a list of items we’ve purchased so far:

GSI Outdoors Pinnacle Camper Cookset
Kelty Discovery 4 Tent
Platypus Gravityworks Water Filter System – 4 Liter
Osprey Exos 58 Pack (for Jason)
REI Crestrail 65 Pack – Women’s (for Lindsey)
REI Flash 22 Pack (for miss K)

Amongst the basics we already own, over the next month we will buy the food we plan to take to ensure that it fits nicely in our pack and secure about 2 miles of paracord, and plenty of stuff sacks including a few hydro bags! We also have to make the choice to use our friends fiberglass canoe [read 80lbs], rent a kevlar from an outfitter near Ely, or borrow our friends Kevlar. Eventually we would like to own our own Kevlar and ditch our motorboat. (We’re fully committing here). I’ve been scouting out the Boundary Waters, the Minnesota 2 and the Quetico 17 so far.

For those of you who have been to the BWCA- what is your “Do Not Leave Home Without” item(s) and tips?