Knock, Knock…. who’s there? A salesman, no wait, two!!!

What a freaking day I had yesterday! Normally I don’t start my blogs out with swearing or pretend swearing (since I’ve gotten older, and Kirra’s gotten older I’ve implemented pretend swearing… plus its more fun to say, made up words!)

Anyways, back to my story… I get home from work and let Tyler out (the Rottie and hang out on my deck for a bit… well I go to call Tyler in the house when some random white van pulls into my driveway… with two younger guys in the van… Tyler goes totally bonkers, and to be quite honest I go on the defense (on the inside)… I yell out my front door, “No thanks… not interested….” and the driver actually has the balls to say… “What… you don’t wasn’t free meat? I’m not trying to sell you anything, I’m giving away meat..” so I was like, hm… who are these quacks? While still half in my house the driver jumps out of his van and goes around to the side… meanwhile the passenger has this huge smile on his face. I’m sure he was super friendly, but they kind of made me feel uncomfortable…

So I go over to their van wishing i had my cell phone on me just in case,or Tyler outside for Pete’s sake…, and this guy is like, I’m giving away free meat… so he goes to open all of these boxes (like 8 boxes) of frozen beef…i explain to him that we normally do a quarter cow and get an amazing deal on it… so he says… do you see anything here you absolutely wouldn’t eat? And I said,no, it looks great… so he then pulls out a price sheet, and says, now… do you think you can help me out with one of these boxes (which are like $60 a box) instantly I knew they WERE trying to sell me something. Well now I’m PO’d… you come over and are like I’m not trying to sell you anything except get you to pay $60 for probably a few hundred bucks in meat… I’m sure it was probably a good deal, but I’m so mad at their dishonesty that I’m for sure not going to buy now… so I literally had to KEEP reminding him I wasn’t interested…Finally they were like… well… we were just trying to hook you up with some free meat… maybe next time…

Maybe not. I see your van come down my road again, I’m locking the doors and pretending like I’m not home!

Well I was hosting bible study at my house last night so I wanted to do a load of dishes… so like 30 minutes later when i hear this knock knock knock at my door… i for sure thought it was my awesome neighbor Janis to inquire about our wine night on the patio! ( I totally live in a Desperate Housewives kind of block… I love my neighbors, and we definitely need to have drinks on the patio really really soon!!!) I digress…

Anyways, no its some junior or senior at a high school selling magazines… She greets me with a “Are you queen of this house?” I’m like, dear lord, I need mace… who are all of these people???? My other neighbor Colleen sent her over to my house because maybe i would “buy” a magazine for her school fundraiser. I’m thinking its going to be $12 or something… to heck with it.. if its for a school fundraiser. She goes on to say in her high school voice, “So like, I’ma doing this public speaking contest for my school and we are selling these here magazines for different points… well… the person with the most points is going to Italy, have you ever been out of the country before?” So i said yes i have, and this girl does some crazy dance on my deck and was like, whhhhaaattttt, for real, no way… girl.. where you been?” so I go on to tell her, and I thought the poor girl was going to have a heart attack. I was about to invite her in for a nebulizer treatment…. anyways.. she goes on and on about this great price of the magazines… i don’t want any magazines… plus I’m like, how much are they… and she’s like, it breaks down to $2 a magazine… or maybe it was something else, regardless I wasn’t paying too close of attention…. after asking her several times how much is it bottom line…she says $48, now do you think you can help me out by ordering a subscription? And I said no thanks, not today… so she was like, for real? I wanted to be like, girlfriend, when you get a real job, and a real house, a $48 magazine subscription is a lot of money for a school fundraiser… where are the football boys? Hu? At least they just sell me $10 chocolate… now that I’d buy… So miss high school goes on to bid adieu…. “well hey girl, i just really want to tell you how absolutely amazing it was talking with you today… now, i can get some bonus points.. if you tell me what your job is… so I told her I work for the Twin Cities Marathon, and she looks around, and says, “oh my GOSH, Shut up!, that is amazing girl!” I now want to just have mace to squirt it in my own face so I have a real reason to leave my front deck…” finally she leaves….
I mean getting two solicitors in a row? I want to put a note on my door… no soliciting, but then i wouldn’t have hilarious stories to share with all of you!

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